Wrestling Commentary News (Page 3)

By Pete Ellis

Yeah, I called him Vince. So what?

It's not like he's anyone important, like a billionaire. Vince McMahon has been touting this bout between himself and Donald Trump and "THE BATTLE OF THE BILLIONAIRES" - an event not to be missed, to be sure. However, I found it quite interesting that Forbes magazine came out with its complete (and ill-timed) list of every known billionaire in the world.

There are nearly 1,000 of them and they all have two things in common:

1. None of them do their own taxes.
2. None of them are named Vince McMahon.

Let me drop that piece of knowledge again, for those of you daydreaming about the chest of Ashley Massaro while reading this article:

VINCENT K. MCMAHON IS NOT A BILLIONAIRE!

That shouldn't take too much away from a Wrestlemania 23 match that is going to feature two violent monsters and a head shaving, not to mention Steve Austin. At the same time, however, I can't help but be a bit disappointed by another clear example of the highly-divided lines between sports entertainment and the rest of the world.

Picture this: I open my news page to see whats going on in the world and I see the Forbes article. I think to myself: "Let's see where old Vince ranks on that billionaire list!" But alas, reality comes crashing down around me like that Christmas tree dad didn't set properly when I was a boy.

Oh well. Perhaps my desire for truth in this wrestling program is misguided. After all, reality doesn't give me Edge spearing Mick Foley through a flaming table, or RVD winning a ladder match against five other guys, or The Undertaker... in general.

So for one night, Vince, you be that Billionaire and we'll pretend you belong in Donald Trump's tax bracket. We'll also pretend Booker T is a king, and that there's a chance in hell Ashley's contract is going to get an extension.

By Pete Ellis

Everybody's thinking it, so I'm just gonna go ahead and say it:

The new ECW sucks more then a fat chick on a blind date!

Quote me on that, kids, I don't care. I'm tired of pretending it isn't that bad and I'm tired of waiting for it to get better. I LOVE WRESTLING. I can't get enough, but this Tuesday night joint smells like failure.

No Dudley Boyz, no Paul Heyman, and now guys like RVD and Sabu are jobbing for non-ECW competitors. Know what I liked about the old ECW? Everything had a point, every match had a story and nobody was invincible.

Now ECW is like last decade's RAW. Kurt Angle, Test, The Big Show. Haven't I seen this before? Huh? What? What do you mean all three of those guys are gone.?

Okay, so it's not all bad. Kelly Kelly is pretty damn hot. CM Punk looks like he'll be around for awhile, and watching Lashley crash through that cage wall was pretty sweet.

But here's my beef: The "extreme rules" matches are few and far between, and they aren't that extreme. The biggest stars on ECW aren't from ECW, and everything that once made ECW different has been replaced by everything that makes it just like the other guys.

McMahon should have handed Heyman the keys and told him to send back a check once in awhile. I promise you we'd be watching D-Von and Bubba put a bloody and broken RVD through a flaming table while Sabu staples one of his arms back on in front of a topless Kelly Kelly while fans scrap for lost teeth in the first three rows. Now THAT'S entertainment.

ECW is basically an extra hour for the WWE to showcase it's RAW and Smackdown athletes. The "Extremists" are not extreme, the "ECW Originals" have become quite mainstream, and "hardcore" has been replaced by soft-porn. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take it off of my TiVo.

Fix it or F*%k it!

By Pete Ellis

Wrestling promoters would have you believe that the days when professionals were given a shot based on size rather then talent are long gone.

But the truth is, fans, we still manage to find ourselves spending our hard-earned money on the occasional freak show.

It wasn't more that a year or two ago that we watched the Big Show grapple with Japan's Grand Sumo Champion in a Wrestlemania bout that was about as much fun as watching old people hump.

As wrestling fans, we grew up with the sport, not only following with passion but always demanding more from the program we love. More speed, more impact, better story lines, and so forth.

Yet here we are, on the cusp of watching Kane duke it out with The Great Khali (pictured) - a man who can't talk, can't walk, and features less than 10 moves; seriously, I counted them. Overhand chop, punch, standing clothesline, head butt, choke slam, double-handed choke slam, standing boot, elbow smash. The end.

This is not to suggest that we haven't seen some remarkable figures along the way at 300-plus pounds. Bam Bam Bigalow, The Boss Man in his prime, and Vader spring to mind.

But as long as we are going to watch Vince make fun of his own past (and WCW's) we are also going to have to accept the fact that Khali, Viscera, and Umaga bear striking resemblances to Giant Gonzalez, Typhoon, and Rakishi: Three guys generally looked back on as mistakes.

Remember the Stink Face? What the hell was that all about?

From the desk of a wrestling fanatic with too much time on his hands, thanks for reading.