Here's what went down on last night's WWE pay-per-view, One Night Stand...

Jeff Hardy defeated Umaga in a falls count anywhere match. They fought their way up a flight of stairs. Jeff Hardy went to the top and slid down the railing before diving onto Umaga in a great spot. Later, the pair fought their way outside the building and climbed onto 18-wheeler. Umaga followed and was booted off by Jeff, who followed up with a Swanton for the win.

Big Show defeated C.M. Punk and Chavo Guerrero (w/Bam Neely) and John Morrison (w/The Miz) and Tommy Dreamer in a Singapore Cane match. Big Show picked up the ringside steps to use them as a weapon, Morrison cut his legs out from under him and Show dropped the steps on his own head. Show was bleeding when he stood up.

Show was especially tough on Dreamer. He beat him with cane shots and then stood over him with one leg on top of Dreamer while making the pin. Are you excited for a Big Show vs. Kane feud?

John Cena beat JBL in a First Blood match. They brawled to ringside early and JBL struck John Cena with a mic, but no blood. Later, JBL rammed Cena head-first into the ring post. JBL picked up the ring steps and threw them toward Cena and missed. The announcers were quick to point out that the steps caused Show to bleed. Nice call.

Later, JBL rammed Cena into an exposed turnbuckle. Still no blood. JBL pulled out a chain, but Cena fought him off and hit the FU. Maybe he was hoping for internal bleeding. Cena got caught in the ropes and JBL pulled out a freaking bullwhip. No, really. He walked toward Cena, who kicked him in the gut. Cena broke free and locked in the STFU with a chain wrapped around JBL's neck. JBL bled from the mouth immediately and the ref called for the bell.

Beth Phoenix beat Melina in an "I Quit" match. Jim Ross noted that this was the first time there has been an "I Quit" match involving WWE Divas. Beth dominated the opening minutes of the match and then they took turn applying submission holds. Melina caught Beth in an arm bar. Beth sold the move for a while and then picked up Melina and tossed her across the ring. In the end, Beth locked Melina in the reverse cowgirl position until she gave up.

Batista beat Shawn Michaels in a stretcher match. Batista went Goldberg on everyone by spearing HBK and then doing the Goldberg followup jump and pose. Batista placed HBK on a stretcher. Chris Jericho ran out and shouted encouragement to Michaels. One of the two referees ordered Jericho to leave the ringside area.

Once Jericho left, Batista tossed Michaels back inside the ring. Michaels grabbed at Batista's trunks in an attempt to stay on his feet. He performed an intentionally lousy superkick and fell to the mat. Batista picked him up, looked at Shawn, and said, "I just want you to do know that I do not love you and I am not sorry," and then powerbombed him. Batista placed HBK on the stretcher and started wheeling him to the back.

Jericho stood on the other side of the stretcher and blocked it while shouting encouragement to HBK. Batista headed back to ringside and grabbed the top piece of the ringside steps. He picked up Michaels and performed the spinbuster on the steps. Batista placed Michaels on the stretcher and wheeled him over the finish line to win the match.

Triple H defeated Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing match for the WWE Title. Triple H set up for the Pedigree on the announcers' table, but Orton slipped out. Orton went for the RKO, but Hunter pushed him off the table. Moments later, Orton DDT'd Hunter off the table and onto the floor.

At 8:30, Orton slammed the ring steps (because we haven't seen enough of the ring steps tonight) into Hunter's head. Hunter barely beat the count at nine. Orton brought an extension cord into the ring and eventually used it in an attempt to choke out Hunter. Orton went for the RKO, but Hunter tossed him over the top rope. Orton came up holding his left arm, which Hunter worked on very early in the match.

Triple H grabbed a sledgehammer from underneath the ring and slammed it into Orton's head. Orton was unable to answer the 10-count and lost the match. (Orton broke his collar bone for real in the aforementioned spot.)

Edge defeated Undertaker in a TLC match for the World Heavyweight Title. If the Undertaker loses, his WWE career is over. At 9:00, Taker slammed a chair across Edge's back. With Edge's neck draped over the ring apron, Taker went for a legdrop. However, Edge placed a chair over himself and Taker hurt his leg on impact. Edge set up a ladder over the ring and guardrail. Taker caught him and set up for the Last Ride on the ladder, but Edge slipped out.

Edge nailed Taker with a sick chairshot to the head at ringside. Edge remained on offense. He wrapped the ladder around Taker's leg and slammed a chair onto it. Edge creamed Taker with two ridiculous chairshots to the head. Edge placed the chair under Taker's head and rolled to ringside. He grabbed a second chair from ringside and went for the Conchairto. He took his sweet time and Taker responded with a punch to the balls.

Taker chokeslammed Edge off the ring apron and onto the ladder that was stationed over the ring apron and guardrail. Taker climbed the ladder, but Zach Ryder and Curt Hawkins ran and and stopped him. They beat up Taker and placed him on a table while Edge recovered at ringside. They placed a second table over Taker, who recovered and tossed Hawkins over the top rope and through a table at ringside. Taker chokeslammed Ryder over the top rope and through another table at ringside.

Taker started to climb the ladder, but Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely ran out and stopped him. Taker ducked their Conchairto attempt and struck them both with chairshots to the head (both guys blocked them to some extent with their hands). Taker climbed the ladder, but Edge recovered and pushed the ladder over, which sent Taker crashing through four tables at ringside. Huge bump. Edge slowly scaled the ladder and grabbed the belt for the win. The crowd was silent.