WWE Results: Monday Night RAW, 10-22-07

The following report is courtesy of lordsofpain.net...

We begin with Kennedy already in the ring. He puts over Cyber Sunday, saying that everyone has an opportunity to make history by choosing who will face Randy Orton for the WWE Championship. On the one hand, you have IC Champ Jeff Hardy. Hardy is like Hilary Clinton (mad boos), what with the famous last name and blonde hair. Jeff can't get the job done because like Hilary, he has no testicles. On the other hand, you have Shawn Michaels. Shawn is like Rudy Giuliani. Both talk big and have good resumes, but both live in the past.

Kennedy asks Shawn what he's done for him lately, because it's nowhere near as impressive as what he's done over the past two years: US Champ, Money in the Bank, beating Rey, Batista, and even The Undertaker. So to paraphrase a famous politician, "Ask not what Mr. Kennedy can do for you, but what you can do for Mr. Kennedy." If elected, Kennedy will win the title, and there will be a new Champion... Mr. Kennedy.

Kennedy is interrupted with a "Yo! Kennedy, over here, dude." Jeff Hardy is standing in the crowd. Jeff says Kennedy's approval rating sucks. Kennedy says that Jeff does not want to debate Kennedy - his success speaks for itself. Jeff makes his way through the fans as Kennedy insults the crowd and accuses Jeff of begging for votes. Jeff says Kennedy failed when he tried to be a McMahon, and failed when he tried to beat Jeff Hardy, and come Cyber Sunday, he'll fail again. Jeff says there's one vote he can win, and asks the crowd how many people want to see him beat the holy hell out of Kennedy right now. The crowd cheers, and Hardy jumps in the ring, but Orton comes down and they team up on Hardy. HBK comes down and takes out Orton before Orton can get the big kick off, and Hardy clotheslines Kennedy out of the ring. Hardy is left standing in the ring with his music playing.

Mickie James, London, and Kendrick v. Melina, Cade, and Murdoch
Lance Cade starts out against Paul London. London up early with a headlock takeover, but Cade throws him into the ropes and hits a shoulderblock. Cade in control until London hits a crossbody, and tags in Kendrick for a doubleteam sunset flip that gets a 2 count. London is tagged back in, and he hits an axehandle on to Cades waiting arm. London tags Kendrick back in and he does the same. Kendrick tags Mickie, which brings in Melina. Mickie with a few kicks that leave Melina scrambling to tag Murdoch. Kendrick comes in to meat him and Murdoch hits a few moves and tags in Cade. Cade takes control, hits a few knees, and tags in Murdoch. Double-team Legdrop on Kendrick, but only gets a two count. Murdoch tags back in Cade, and Cade gets met with a dropkick by Kendrick.

Cade tags in Murdoch, and Kendrick leaps and tags in London. London hits a spinning heel kick, but gets interrupted at the pinfall attempt when Lance Cade comes in and breaks everything up. Murdoch gets up, shoves Mickie down, and gets ready to hit a double team move on London. Mickie jumps back in and eliminates Melina with a Thesz press, when a charging Cade accidentally hits Murdoch with a clothesline, who then falls out of the ring. London hits a standing shooting star on Murdoch, and gets the pin. They celebrate, but Mickie looks cautious, as if something happened that wasn't supposed to happen.
Winners: Kendrick, London, and Mickie

Cody is in the back reading the new WWE Magazine, when Shelton and Haas come up to him and make fun of him for losing to Bob Holly. Shelton says the good news is that he won't be getting beaten up by Bob tonight, but he'll still be beaten up by Shelton in their match. Cody says the difference is that he actually respects Bob Holly, and makes fun of Shelton's blonde hair. Shelton says after tonight, Cody should dye his hair blonde, so he can be a younger, less talented, skinnier, uglier version of his father. As they walk away, Haas snaps his fingers and says "Oh Snap!"

Coach and Regal are talking. Apparently Vince is out of the country, and Coach is asking for a match against Hornswoggle tonight. Regal says Vince probably set up Coach to get embarassed last week. Coach says Vince isn't sane anymore, because he things Hornswoggle is a child. By booking the match tonight, Regal is doing a favor to the entire McMahon family, giving them that much more inheritance if Hornswoggle is eliminated. Regal agrees to the match, but Coach says he isn't going to fight Hornswoggle... but Umaga will. Regal thinks about it, and walks away.

Cody Rhodes v. Shelton Benjamin
Shelton starts off wiht a kick to the midsection, and pounds Cody in the corner. Shelton starts working on Cody's left leg, delivering stomps and other impact moves. Rhodes fights back up, but a headlock is countered by Shelton, and Benjamin is in control again. Shelton catches a knee in the stomach, and then hits a bulldog from the corner, garnering a 2 count. Haas distracts Cody, and Shelton goes for a roll-up, but Cody rolls it back over and gets a surprise three count.

Haas and Benjamin hit the ring and start pounding Rhodes, but Hardcore Holly comes in a makes the save. The new team stands tall as the World's Greatest Tag Team make their way out of there.
Winner: Cody Rhodes

D.H. Smith v. Carlito
Carlito up early with a wristlock, but Smith counters, only to get kicked by Carlito. Shoulderblock by Smith, and a huge belly to belly by Smith. Carlito gets on the apron and hits a springboard dropkick, followed by a near-fall. In the corner, Carlito hits Smith HARD. Scoop-slam, and a 2 Count for Carlito. Carlito with a knee stretch to Smith's back, but Smith powers out, only to get caught with a hard clothesline, and a 2 count. Carlito pounds away on Smith, and lock in a headlock. Smith brings Carlito to the corner, gets out, and hits a few dropkicks and a northern lights suplex, but gets a 2 count. Carlito hits a back elbow off the second row, but only gets a two count. Carlito into the turnbuckle, and kicks up to get behind Smith, but gets caught. Smith hits a running powerslam for the win!
Winner: D.H. Smith

Umaga comes down to the ring, accompanied by Coach. He is supposed to take on Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle slides out from under the ring, looking rather reluctant to do this match with Umaga. This should be interesting. Coach keeps telling Hornswoggle to get in the ring. Hornswoggle jumps off the apron and runs up th ramp, as Coach and Umaga look on. Triple H's music hits, and the Game comes out to a huge pop. He makes his way to the ring, with Umaga looking ready. The two start to fight, throwing lefts and rights at each other. Triple H hits a Lou Thesz Press, and starts pounding Umaga. Referees hit the ring and try to pull the two apart, but the two keep fighting.

Triple H even hits a huge shoulder block that sends Umaga to the outside. This brawl keeps going and going. Each man seems to get an advantage, but is then brought down by the other. It seems like all the refs in the world could stop these two from tearing each other apart. A "Triple H" chant starts at one point. Finally, the refs manage to pull the two apart, to which the fans are not too happy. Umaga is being pulled to the back as we go to a break.

Now, we meet the three finalists of the WWE Diva contest, Brooke, Eve, and Lena. I'm just glad most of this nonsense is on WWE.com these days. Lena gets sent home. Fans of asian girls everywhere weep openly. Next week we find out who wins.

Santino Marella v. Ron Simmons
Marella up early, stomping away on Simmons, and locking in a headlock. Simmons back up, and pounds Marella in the corner after an irish whip. Marella kicks a low-blow, and the Ref DQ's Marella.
Winner: Ron Simmons

Candice Michelle v. Beth Pheonix: Best 2 out of 3 Falls for the Women's Championship
We start with a collar-elbow tie up, with Beth easily overpowering Candice. Beth starts to pound away on Candice, getting her in the corner and landing some more shots. Candice uses her agility to turn the tables and hit a spinning head-scissors from the top rope. Candice tries to keep up an offense, but Beth easily powers her up, and hits a two-handed chokeslam. Beth covers: 1..2..3! Beth Pheonix scores a pinfall. We go to commercial just after the first pinfall.

We come back to see Candice trying to fight off a standing side crab (a variant of the Boston Crab). Candice manages to kick her away, but Beth hits a hard kick to Candice's chest. Candice gets to her feet, and meets a hard forearm. Candice comes back with some shots of her own, before unleashing with Clotheslines, and getting a two count. Candice then hits a crazy looking cradle, but only gets a two count. Candice mounts the top rope, but Beth hits the ropes, and Candice hits to ground hard, face first...was that supposed to happen? Candice has gone limp, and Beth covers and gets the win...
Winner: Beth Pheonix

Shawn Michaels and Jeff Hardy v. Mr. Kennedy and Randy Orton
The match starts with HBK and Kennedy. They lock up, and Kennedy powers HBK into the corner, and starts to land rights. HBK reverses, and puts Kennedy in the corner before landing some chops. HBK hits the ropes, and Kennedy botches the selling of a swinging neck breaker. HBK gets lands some stomps, and tags in Jeff. Jeff comes in and goes on the offense. Hardy gets a two count after an elbow to the middle back. Hardy gets Kennedy into the corner, and misses a splash. Kennedy dodged it. Kennedy tags in Orton, and the Champ comes in and starts to pound away on Jeff.

Jeff starts to fight back, but is brought down by a massive clothesline. Orton covers, but Jeff kicks out at two. Orton now tags in Kennedy, who starts to pound away on Jeff. Jeff manages to get his foot up in time to hit a running Kennedy in the face, and gets the hot tag to HBK. Shawn starts to beat down Kennedy, and hits the inverted atomic drop. HBK goes to climb the top rope, but turns his attention to Orton. Landing some shots, HBK is soon brought down by Kennedy. Kennedy tags in Orton, who starts to beat down HBK. HBK starts to come back with shots of his own, but Orton takes him down and tags in Kennedy. Kennedy lands some shots, and locks in a sitting abdominal stretch. HBK fights out, but is hit with a backbreaker from Kennedy, followed by a second. Kennedy covers, but HBK kicks out at two.

Kennedy tries to get HBK up for the Green Bay Plunge, but HBK fights out, only to be brought down by Kennedy. Kennedy covers for a two count, and tags in Orton. Orton starts to stomp away, but is pushed into the corner by HBK while pandering to the crowd. Kennedy gets a blind tag, and starts to land some shots from behind. HBK falls to the attack from the two men, and eventually Orton tags back in and locks in a sleeper hold with scissors. HBK fights out, and he and Orton exchange blows. HBK tries to get the tag to Jeff, but Orton grabs his foot. HBK hits an enziguri, and gets the tag to Hardy just as Orton tags in Kennedy. Kennedy and Jeff go at it, and Jeff gets the upper hand with the mule kick and the Whisper in the wind. HBK has Orton occupied on the outside, and Jeff mounts the top rope. Kennedy jumps up and tries to fight him down, but Jeff pushes him off. Jeff goes flying and hits the Swanton for the win.
Winners: Shawn Michaels and Jeff Hardy