The following report is courtesy of lordsofpain.net...
We start of with "No Chance" as Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring and grabs a mic. He says that his word is his bond and he proved it last night at No Mercy. Vince shows us a recap of No Mercy, with the WWE Championship on the line three times, eventually ending up in the hands of the Legend Killer. Back in the ring, Vince says that history will be made once again tonight, if for no other reason than that every WWE superstar will come out at the same time to shake the hand of Randy Orton. VKM says that Randy's first title defense will be at Cyber Sunday. Vince is interrupted by the music of Triple H. Vince tells HHH to calm down, as the Game stalks Vince around the ring. HHH tells Vince to shut up, and says that nobody cares about Cyber Sunday. They care about tonight, so he's invoking his rematch clause. Vince tells HHH to be careful what he wishes for, but tonight, Triple H gets his rematch. Vince stops, and says, while that's true, it's a handicap match, with Triple H against Randy Orton and his tag-team partner, Umaga.
Beth Phoenix, Melina, and Jillian v. Candice Michelle, Mickie James, and Maria
Melina starts things off by assaulting Maria, but Maria counters and tags in Mickie, who hits a baseball slide dropkick. Mickie finds herself tangled up in the ropes, so Melina gets the upper hand and begins delivering vicious kicks to the side. Melina tags in Beth, and Beth delivers a modified knee drop, tagging in Jillian, who makes a quick tag to melina, and they doubleteam mickie. Melina with a 2 count, and works Mickie with a leglock, only to get kicked away. Mickie misses an enziguiri, and Jillian comes in, but Mickie fights both off and gets the hot tag to Candice. Candice with clotheslines, clearing the ring. Northern lights suplex gets a two count, when Beth Phoenix interferes. Maria and Mickie james throw Beth out of the ring, but Beth grabs Mickie on the way out and powerbombs her on the outside. Jillian in the ring has Candice in the corner, but Candice gets on Jillian's shoulders and hits a victory roll for the win!
Your Winners: Candice, Mickie, and Maria
Coach is in the back with Regal. Coach says a lesser man wouldn't be here, but he doesn't feel sorry for what happened to John Cena. Coach is now walking with a cane. Coach asks about the photos, and the camera shows photos of Elton John, Queen Elizabeth, and George Michael. Coach says all three are Queens, much to Regal's chagrin. VKM shows up and asks Regal if he's taking care of Hornswoggle. Regal says Hornswoggle is napping, but is a little darling. Vince says that Hornswoggle is Regal's responsibility now. Regal tells Coach to check on Hornswoggle. When Coach opens the door, he says Hornswoggle isn't there. Regal blames Coach for losing him, and sends Coach to go find him.
Santino Marella v. Val Venis
Val Venis is looking heavier these days. Santino immediately gets out of the ring and grabs the mic from Lilian Garcia. He introduces Lilian and says her band will be playing tonight. Marella says he can't fight Venis tonight, he's got a previous engagement. He says that William Regal has a formidable substitute opponent, and Snitsky's music hits.
The bell rings, and Snitsky goes right after Val's knee. Snitsky throws Val into the corner and continues working that bad knee with stomps and kicks. Huge slam by Snitsky, followed by an elbow drop. Val starts to get some offense in, but kicks Snitsky with his bad leg, which causes him to pause and tend to it. Val catches a big boot, and after a double underhook vice, Snitsky puts the pumphandle slam on Venis for the win.
Your Winner: Snitsky
John Cena is live via satellite. He says it will be 7-12 months before he comes back, and that it was painful, but he's not thinking about it: just getting back in the ring. After being asked about Orton's comments last night, Cena says it's better to fight and lose than to not fight at all. Orton should not worry about Cena, but about HHH, and every WWE Superstar. JR thanks Cena, and the interview wraps up.
Orton's music hits, and the Champ comes out for the handicap match that Vince announced earlier.
Orton and Umaga v. Triple H
HHH attacks Umaga, but Orton jumps in and both men are attacking the Game. Orton goes for the RKO early but HHH pushes Orton into Umaga, sending the Bulldozer outside of the ring. HHH with a DDT on Orton, and a 2 count, but Umaga pulls HHH out and throws him into the guard rail. Umaga pounds away on HHH and throws him back in the ring. Both men assault Triple H; Orton then mounts HHH and sends punches to the Games head. HHH is busted open. Headbutt splash by Umaga. Two on one, as Umaga throws Triple H into a dropkick by Orton. Orton now holds HHH while Umaga hits him with punches. Samoan drop by Umaga, and Orton directs Umaga to the top rope. HHH kicks Orton into Umaga, who crashes from the top rope. HHH with a facebuster on Orton, but as he sets up for the pedigree, Umaga interferes. HHH sends umaga to the outside, and gets ready for the pedigree on Orton, but Umaga runs back in with a chair and gets DQ'd when he hits the Game.
The Game is out, as both men assault him, ending with Orton hitting an RKO, and Umaga setting Triple H up for a butt-smash as Orton leaves. HHH gets hit with 2 butt-smashes, and Umaga goes to the top rope and hits a big splash. A Samoan spike puts an exclamation point on it, and the crowd is hating every minute of this. Refs come and try to carry him away, but HHH pushes them away, and the King of Kings tries to walk back on his own. He falls on the ramp, and Raw goes to a commercial with Triple H being assisted by the refs.
London and Kendrick v. Highlanders
Rory starts out against London, pounding him with firsts, but London strikes back, attacking both Highlanders and hitting a kick that sends Rory out of the ring. Kendrick and London go over the ropes and hit both Highlanders. Rory strikes London back in the ring now, and Robbie gets tagged in and has the advantage. Rory is tagged back in, and holds London in a reverse chinlock. London powers out and hits an armdrag, and Rory tags Robbie, followed by a hot tag from London to Kendrick. Kendrick with a series of flying moves, and Kendrick gets a two count. Rory gets thrown from the ring when he tries to interfere, and London hits a moonsault on the outside. In the ring, Robbie catched Kendrick in the corner, and gets his feet on the ropes. The ref doesn't see it, so the Highlanders get a cheap victory.
Your Winners: The Highlanders
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