The following report is courtesy of lordsofpain.net...
John Cena makes his way down to the ring and grabs the mic. He says that he knows some people are upset with him; that he hasn't been himself lately. He says he's sorry, and although he's had alot of pent up aggression lately, tonight he feels fabulous. The Champ says everything is going to be okay, because last night he lost to Randy Orton. Cena says thank you to his Dad, for being brave and making him the proudest son on the face of the earth. He also thanks Randy Orton, because Orton has made him put into perspective the things in life that are important, and that he's stupid enough to want a rematch. The most important Thank You is to Jonathan Coachman, who booked the last man standing match at No Mercy. While he's talking about No Mercy, Coach's music hits!
Coach says Cena shouldn't be thanking him for making that match, he should be thanking him that he still has a job after his father attacked a WWE Superstar and Cena put his hands on him. Coach says just like Cena feels he got revenge last night, Coach is allowing Orton to feel the same. Tonight, Orton vs. Cena, right here, tonight! Coach met with Cena's father this morning, and informed him that he may have stripping Cena of the title. Cena's father pleaded with Coach not to do it, and told Coach that he'd do anything to prevent Cena from losing the title. Coach then says that tonight, it's not Randy Orton vs. the Champ John Cena, it's Randy Orton vs. Mr. Cena, John's Father! Cena is beside himself as Raw goes to a commercial...
Jeff Hardy (c) v. Shelton Benjamin, for the IC Title
Back and forth and then Shelton in control over Hardy in the ring. Hardy starts to power out but gets caught with a face first back drop by Shelton. Hardy now down in the corner, and is hit with a running knee to the face by Shelton. Neckbreaker by Benjamin gets a 2 count, and follows that ujp with a few headbutts and a sleeperhold. Jeff powers out, but Shelton catches him once again, and gets a 2 count. Jeff stumbles to his feet, and ducks when Shelton goes for a kick. Both men clothesline each other, get an 8 count before they get back up. Hardy hits the whisper in the wind, and goes for the twist of fate, but Shelton gets out of it and hits a backbreaker for another 2 count. Shelton in the corner, but moves, and Jeff goes face first into the turnbuckle, only to turn around and be caught in a russian legsweep. Then, Shelton hits a reverse DDT on Hardy for yet another 2 count. Hardy to the top rope, Shelton pounces up there, but gets pushed off, and Jeff follows up with a Swanton for the win.
Winner: Jeff Hardy
Next, we have Vince McMahon in a limo. Coach gets in the limo and tells Vince that it's going to be a great night. Vince doesn't care; he only cares about his predicament. Coach says it's not going to last much longer; he's taken care of everything, and after tonight, Vince won't have to worry about him anymore. They show Hornswoggle in a car-seat, and Vince says he has to sit there because he's an infant, and that's the law. Hornswoggle gets out of the seat and chases Coach out of the Limo. Pretty funny segment.
Then we have Santino outside of the Diva's locker room. Jillian Hall comes out, and they put in a plug for the Condemned, and say something about Britney Spears. Then Santino says he can't believe he used to pleasure himself to Britney Spears.
Vince and Coach are walking in the back when they hear irish music playing. Vince says it's coming from his office; Vince's office is covered in Irish stuff. Vince says this was all on Coach. Coach says that when he finds him, he'll handle this. Vince tells Coach to find him. Hornswoggle shows up in the background, says "hi Dad!" and takes off running. Coach runs after him. Now, there's a Horse with a Unicorn attachment.
Daivari v. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Daivari goes for his flag, but Hacksaw pulls him down and delivers a bodyslam to Daivari. Daivari stops Hacksaw from getting the US flag, and then starts pounding away on Duggan. Daivari goes for the flag, but Hacksaw stops him again by holding his legs. This time, Daivari gets all the way to the top, but Hacksaw pulls him down and Daivari racks himself on the turnbuckle. Duggan heads over to his flag, and Daivari meets him at the top rope. Hacksaw knocks Daivari from the top turnbuckle to the outside of the ring, and grabs the flag for the victory!
Winner: Hacksaw Jim Duggan
In the back, Cody Rhodes begs Coach to let him fight Orton instead of Cena's father. Coach says no, and walks away, only to run face first into Cena. Cena says if he doesn't call off the match, he will not be held responsible for what happens tonight. Coach says that Cena will have a match tonight, against an opponent of Coach's choice. If Cena wins, he'll cancel the match between Orton and his father. Cena's fate is in his hands.
After the break, Vince's music hits and the chairman comes down to the ring and grabs a mic. He says that we are all surprised that his grapefruits produced Hornswoggle. He says that he doesn't want us to think he's not proud of his new son, and that he's compassionate. He says he wants to welcome his new son into his family, and he wants us to do the same. Vince introduces Hornswoggle, who comes down to the ring with an Irish jig theme song. He dances around the ring, and Vince is annoyed, telling him repeatedly to stop dancing. Vince asks if he's happy to be a McMahon. Vince says that when, if, he dies, that Hornswoggle will come into a lot of money. Vince tells him that money is not everything, and that life is really about love and compassion. Vince will open his heart tonight and do something that Hornswoggle will appreciate. Vince tells him that he has some legal papers, and that he's putting Hornswoggle up for adoption. Hornswoggle looks crushed.
Vince announces the new parents, who come out to the ring with an attorney. Alice and Ed are their names, apparently. Ed says that they've waited years for a little boy, and that Hornswoggle is everything Vince said he'd be. Alice says that they'll love Hornswoggle so much. Hornswoggle looks like he's about to cry. Vince tells him, rather cruelly, to say hello to his new dad. Hornswoggle pulls Ed's pants down, and begins to attack him. Ed ditches the ring, and Vince tells him to come back and sign the legal papers. Vince tries to tell Alice that Hornswoggle has never done something like this before, but the little guy attacks Alice from behind, biting her in the...well...behind. Ed and Alice run away with their lawyer close behind. Vince flips out on Hornswoggle, telling him to get out of his life, and to stay away from him. He then tells Hornswoggle to crawl back under his rock. Hornswoggle slowly walks up the ramp, crying. Vince tells the crowd that they would have done the same thing in that position.
Suddenly, Triple H's music hits, and the Game looks like he's got something to say. Vince asks what he's doing here. Triple H says that Vince seems mad that he's out here, considering he went through a lot of trouble to decorate Vince's office. He says it's not easy to find a unicorn in Nashville. He says that he knew Vince slept with some trolls in his day, but he didn't know Vince slept with elves, fairies, and hobgoblins too. Vince says that he doesn't sleep with fairies, to which Triple H replies that's not what he read on the internet. He wonders why Vince didn't see this coming, seeing as Vince is short-tempered, short-sighted, and has a microscopic penis. Vince asks if he's finished, and Triple H says that's what Hornswoggle's mom said to Vince. He asks if Vince did it with Hornswoggle's mom on the Yellow Brick Road or if he got her to Smurf Village first. He says that Vince is obviously upset, and that he just has one quick question. He asks Vince if Hornswoggle's mom was magically delicious. Vince says that he's got some problems, but not as big as Triple H's. Vince introduces Triple H's opponents for the night...Cade and Murdoch. We go to break as Cade and Murdoch make their way to the ring.
Triple H vs. Cade and Murdoch
We come back from the break to Murdoch with a side headlock on Triple H. Triple H is fighting out, but Murdoch manages to tag Cade, and they try a double team. Triple H lands a clothesline to both Cade and Murdoch and tosses both men out of the ring. Carlito now comes out and stands at the top of the entrance ramp. Cade manages to hit a swinging neckbreaker, and works over Triple H a little, before tagging in Murdoch. After a double team move Murdoch pounds away on Triple H, hitting some nice shots in the corner. Murdoch climbs the ropes, and hits a move that a man of his stature shouldn't do. Murdoch tags in Cade, who works on Triple H some more, eventually locking in a neck vice.
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We start with the wedding (which will probably close the aired show). Vince McMahon, Arn Anderson and performers from all three brands are present as guests. Teddy dedicates "Let's Get Married" by Jagged Edge to Kristal. Jillian Hall comes out and says that they were terrible and starts to sing. She is dragged off by several other 
*Elijah Burke defeated Stevie Richards, Kevin Thorn, Tommy Dreamer in a "Fatal Four Way Chase to No Mercy."
