Umaga, Hogan and HBK, Oh My: RAW Results, 7-24-06

The following report is courtesy of lordsofpain.net ...

The show opened with the DX entrance, but only HBK came out to the ring. As the crowd chanted for DX and HBK, Michaels reminded us of how he had pulled a prank on the McMahons, telling them that Stephanie had gone into labor. He said that life often imitates art, meaning that she actually was giving birth to her first child tonight … seriously.

HBK claimed that Trips was, unbeknownst to the McMahons, at that very same hospital. Michaels amusingly commented that he was pretty sure that Trips knew who the father of Steph’s baby was. At that point, the Coach came to the ring with his cell phone on his ear and told HBK that the DX member would not be allowed to run amuck. Coach said that VKM had put him in charge. Michaels grabbed Coach’s phone (as it was implied that Vince was on the phone) and told McMahon that Cleveland had two words for him. HBK demonstrated how to do Lamaze breathing, as Coach snatched the phone away from Michaels.

Apparently, Vince was shouting instructions in Coach’s ear, and Coach didn’t seem pleased with the orders. McMahon made a match between Coach and HBK, which Shawn, JR, and King all got a big kick out of. The crowd chanted “HBK,” as Michaels laughed hysterically. He just kept laughing and laughing…

JR and King introduced highlights of the Hogan-Orton situation from Saturday Night’s Main-Event. They then hyped Hulk Hogan’s appearance for later tonight on Raw…

Match 1: World Tag Champs The Spirit Squad vs. The Highlanders
- Kenny started it off against Rory and took him the Scotsman down with a shoulder tackle before tagging in Mikey. Mikey was unable to maintain the offensive due to injuries suffered a week ago, allowing Rory to tag Robby. Robby and Rory proceeded to set-up and connect on simultaneous 10-mounted punches in opposite corners. The Squad took control, though, on a Kenny dropkick that caught Robby square in the jaw. Mikey tagged back in, but got a neckbreaker for his troubles. Rory got the tag and cleaned house, highlighted by a Rock Bottom into a backbreaker.

The finish came when the rest of the Squad provided a distraction for the ref, allowing Kenny to regain form and hit the Roll of the Dice for the win. The Squad retained at 3:29.

Mick Foley, live from WWE studios in CT, said that he was hurt when Ric Flair called him fat boy…but not b/c he called him a fat boy…No, it was because all that Flair could come up with was the common insult used by a fourth grader. Foley said that Flair had nothing left and was still using the same old tired schtick he used for years. Mick claimed it was pathetic that Flair resorted to becoming a second rate side show act (by going to ECW and falling on thumb tacks) to try and lure him into a match.

Foley asked what part of “no” did Flair not understand. He said he wouldn’t face Flair anywhere or anytime, but that he’d come to Raw next week so that he could address Flair man-to-man for, among other things, attacking a beautiful female friend of his (Melina).

The Nature Boy then came to the ring (looking as sharp as always). Flair said he wanted Foley to be half the man that he is everyday of his life and accept his challenge to a match at any place or time. At that point, WWE Champion Edge came to the ramp and said that he was now the man…not Flair. He continued his way to the ring and said he was tired of hearing Flair’s nonsense and, as the MVP of Raw, he planned on telling Ric what was really going on.

At that point, Johnny Nitro showed up and attacked Ric. Flair fought back, but Edge joined the fray. After a short double-team beatdown, John Cena came to the rescue, causing the heels to flee the scene.

Backstage, Carlito and Trish were flirting. Carlito spoke Spanish in Trish’s ear, which Stratus did not comprehend. She wished him luck in his match, anyway. They decided to hang out later.

Further backstage after a commercial break, Coach was talking to Vince on the phone. Edge and Lita barged in and demanded that the previous in-ring segment be addressed. Coach said that McMahon decided to make a tag match b/t Edge/Nitro and Cena/Flair. Edge amusingly referred to Nitro as “Johnny Metro” and didn’t seem to happy about being put in a match against Cena.

Match 2: Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin
- Carlito scored a near fall right off the bat when he rolled up Shelton, who was arguing w/ the ref. CCC hit a high knee lift and then countered Shelton’s a attempt at a vertical toss into a dropkick. Shelton tried to regain control with a suplex over the top rope, but Carlito countered. Carlito connected on his attempt to suplex Shelton over the top, but Benjamin landed on the apron and draped Carlito’s arm across the rope. Shelton proceeded to toss Carlito shoulder-first into the ring post and follow with an armbar takedown.

Benjamin maintained momentum until Carlito caught him with a standing hurricanrana out of nowhere. The two then traded blows in the middle of the ring before Carlito connected on a jumping Flatliner and a springboard back elbow smash. Carlito followed with a dropkick after some short-lived Shelton offense. CCC then headed to the top rope, but Shelton leaped up to the top with one hop. Carlito shoved him off, though, and tried for a diving clothesline. Shelton side-stepped it and caught the current #1 contender with a Fujiwara armbar.

After a lengthy struggle, Carlito made it to the ropes. CCC then countered a powerbomb attempt into a sunset flip, but Benjamin kicked out of the pin. Carlito scored with the Back Cracker, but Shelton got his foot on the rope. Benjamin then tried to take off the turnbuckle cover, but couldn’t get it all the way due to Carlito getting involved. Shelton then got into an argument with the ref, allowing Carlito to finish what SB started. Unfortunately, Carlito was seen and admonished by the referee.

As the ref tended to the turnbuckle, though, CCC went over and tried to give Shelton a DDT. Benjamin countered and tried to hit a Sling Shot into the exposed turnbuckle, and subsequently the ref tending to it. However, Carlito vaulted right onto the second rope, keeping him shielded from both the turnbuckle and the ref. Shelton rushed in for an attack, but Carlito hopped up to the top rope and flipped backwards onto his feet behind Benjamin.

Carlito rushed in for an attack of his own, but Shelton connected on a mule kick to CCC’s groin. Since the ref didn’t see, Shelton was able to capitalize and pick up the cheap win. Thus, Benjamin became the #1 contender to the IC title at 7:29.

Hulk Hogan then came to the ring with his wrestling attire on. The Hulkster soaked up the excellent (as usual) crowd reaction for awhile before speaking, but once he got around to using the microphone he noted the number of Hulkamaniacs in the crowd. He also said that Randy Orton is in a hell of a lot of trouble for lecturing him on respect and then hitting him with a cheap shot later on that night. He said Orton had no respect for the business…a business that once saw Hogan and Bob Orton earn each other’s respect.

Hogan said he was going to dominate Randy and teach the kid some respect at Summerslam. The Legend Killer interrupted the Hulkster at that point, stating that he came out to talk about Brooke Hogan, not confront Hulk Hogan. Orton talked of the chemistry he had w/ Brooke and made fun of Hogan’s age. Randy said that he and Brooke talked a lot at SNME when Hulk wasn’t around. According to Orton, Brooke was doing some heavy complimenting to him that night. Randy said it was a shame that he and Brooke’s budding relationship would have to be tarnished by Brooke having to witness the demise of her father’s career.

Hogan proceeded to challenge Randy to come to the ring and fight him right then and there. Orton circled the ring, but every time he tried to enter, Hogan rushed at him. RKO eventually had some words with the King at ringside, prompting Lawler to toss Orton into the ring and feed him to the wolf. Hogan got in a few punches, but Orton rolled out of the ring when Hulk went for the big boot.

Match 3: Candice Michelle vs. Women’s Champion Mickie James
- Mickie took Candice down quickly and kicked away at her mid-section. She then stepped on her back and pulled her hair. A lengthy resthold followed before Mickie thrust Candice back into the corner and set her on the top rope. The finish came when Mickie reversed Candice’s flying cross body into a pinning combo. Mickie defeated Candice at 2:15.

Match 4: HBK vs. Coach
- HBK put on a skull cap to wrestle this match, and then proceeded to punch Coach about 5 times. He shanked him and took off the skull cap. Coach managed a rake to the eyes, but HBK came back quickly with a flying forearm and an inverted atomic drop. The elbow drop followed, but the Spirit Squad came out. HBK made short work of three of them, then tuned up the band in Coach’s direction.

Michaels hit the super kick, but Umaga snuck up behind him, tossed him up in the air, and caught him on the way down with a Samoan Drop. The Samoan Bulldozer followed with the Samoan Spike. HBK defeated Coach via DQ at 3:05.

Backstage, Maria interviewed John Cena, who got a mixed reaction. Maria fumbled with her words. Cena told her she was beautiful, but asked her if she ate paint chips as a kid. Anyhow, Cena commented on Raw being run thru a cell phone, Mick and Ric’s feud, and Edge being rated PG-13 rather than R. He said Lita was rated NC-17, meaning no genital herpes in 17 days.

Cena made fun of Nitro and Melina, and then turned his attention toward Hogan and Orton, briefly. Up next on the shit list were Umaga and Armando, and then Carlito…then Matt Striker…then the Spirit Squad. All that being said, Cena was still focused on teaming w/ Flair and kicking Edge’s ass.

We're gonna skip the Diva Search nonsense.

Match 5: Intercontinental Champion Johnny Nitro (w/ Melina) and WWE Champion Edge (w/ Lita) vs. John Cena and Ric Flair
- Nitro and Flair locked up to start the match. Flair connected on a few knife edge chops. Nitro then tagged in Edge, but all hell broke loose as Cena entered the ring and threw Edge out of the ring. A dreaded mid-match commercial break followed, but I guess that was to be expected. Back from the break, Nitro and Edge were in control of Cena. Edge tagged in and slugged away at Cena.

He mocked the former champion and tore into him with several forearm shots. Cheap heel tactics followed, as Nitro choked Cena in the corner w/ the tag rope. Nitro tagged in and stomped away at him. Cena then dodged a running knee lift attempt and tagged Flair. The Nature Boy took control with his usual move set of back drops, chops, and a Figure Four. Edge broke up the submission hold, and then threw Cena out of the ring. He proceeded to drill Flair with the Spear. 1…2…No! Cena came back in and broke up the pin attempt.

Nitro tagged back in and hit a neckbreaker on Flair before throwing the Nature Boy to the outside. Lita and Melina kicked Flair while the ref’s back was turned. Back in the ring, Flair came back with chops, but found his offense short-lived after Nitro connected on a strong clothesline. Edge tagged and threw Flair out of the ring. Nitro took advantage of a ref distraction and beat the crap out of Flair illegally. Back in the ring again, Flair and Edge traded blows before Edge regained control with several right handed shots.

As Cena screamed for a tag, Edge hit Flair with a big boot in the corner. Edge tried for a flying move off the second rope, but got caught with a knife edge chop. Cena got the hot tag and cleaned house. He hit the Prototype spinning back drop on Nitro and set-up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. The ladies distracted the ref as Cena ran the ropes. Edge cracked Cena in the back with a steel chair in the process, allowing Nitro the chance to score the upset.

However, Cena kicked out at two! Flair, now on the outside, battled with Edge. Nitro, meanwhile, set-up for his finisher, but Cena countered into the STFU. Edge tried to come in and break it up, but Flair grabbed hold of his foot. Thus, Cena and Flair defeated Nitro and Edge when Johnny tapped out at 10:53.